When Two are Two....

My wife Adela and I were recently talking about marriage and how to define it. We see a lot of marriages in the Bible, but the best description of what it is, in essence, I believe, is found in Genesis 2:24: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." The two become one. Regarding legal details and ceremony, it obviously varies over culture, time and location. But the basic essence by God's design, I believe, remains the same: two become one.

Now sadly, we observe that this doesn't always happen; either that, or else the one goes back to being two. Bringing the two back into union ought to be the goal but often, after half-hearted attempts at reconciliation, pride and unforgiveness drive the two into permanent separation. Either that, or they remain "married" but living separate lives. This is sad, but even sadder when ministry is involved. Adela and I both believe strongly that a married couple ought to be united even more so in ministry. We have lived this out this from the beginning; we met in church on the worship team and connected through the intercessory prayer ministry. We have passed through very sad and painful periods in our early marriage when we were not close, and it was during these periods that we were not praying together nor ministering together. We have known ministers whose wives were rarely by their side, ministering together with them. I knew a pastor, in fact, who I didn't even know was married until his wife introduced herself to me. We live in a culture where women often feel that their "liberation" is to pursue their own fulfillment, apart from their husband. But watching a man pastor a church with his wife absent was for me a painful experience. In the end, at the heart of the matter, I believe that marriage is a covenant, an agreement between two persons who are becoming one; the ceremony and contract, I believe, is meant to solidify a unity which is already coming into existence. As Paul the apostle pointed out, this is a mystery, and it illustrates the mystical union between Christ and the Church, His bride. I know that my bride Adela and I have a unity of heart from which we both draw strength and together, we are complete. When we are apart, I feel her absence. This unity, I believe, was God-ordained and began before we made the legal contract and the ceremonies. The unity was there, and people could see it. When we signed the licence and married, something powerful happened; we could feel a new level of unity and intimacy which had not been there before. Today, after ten years, we are closer than ever. I believe that this is God's design both for marriage and our relationship with Him: an ever-increasing joyful intimacy.